Sunday, July 24, 2011

Of educational values, unbearable heat and different kinds of food

Well, hello. I haven't been blogging (cooking) lately, as everyone who knows me, also knows that I don't spend much time in the kitchen in summer. There are few simple reasons for that, but the main reason is of course, the heat. Over the years, I have found out that I don't have much heat tollerance and my relationship with the sun changes from summer to summer. From playful frenemies over the past few years, we have became more of rude neighbors. Recent trip to the grocery store left me red faced for over 3 hours, and no, I didn't got angry, upset or stressed. I was out for only 20 minutes!
Now...there are different kinds of food that I wanted to concentrate on. The food we eat, the food for the soul, the food for the brain and so on, but something I cannot grasp is the 'food' of chain emails. I have been ignoring them forever and they still find their way to me. It is beyond my understanding what is the use/benefit of sending them.
So basically, I'm saying that many people have been feeding me virtual crap, from blessings to more threatening messages that If I don't forward the email to 50 people, I'm going to die. Tough luck bit*es, I'm still kicking!
And lastly, this is the piece of wisdom passed to me by a dear friend that I'm going to share:

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I no longer have lemon slices in my ice water at a restaurant without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose (although cell phone usage may be overtaking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing...

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.Lately, the Money Angel and the Lakshmi goddess are doing the same.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me...

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your backside, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . .

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off's too late

Friday, July 1, 2011

Cinnamon rolls

Couple of weeks ago, world renowed company opened its stand in one of the shopping malls around the country. It was public holiday, it was boring and although I didn't go to the opening, I went couple of days after the opening to see what's all about. Why? Because I love cinnamon. So, I went there with my bigger half (yeah, he's bigger than me) and it was like it's last day on Earth! People were queueing like there's no tomorrow! I was not willing to wait, so we went around the shops. Just before closing time, the queue seemed manageable, so I took a chance to try of their products. Since the original cinnamon rolls were sold out, I took 2 small choco-cinnamon pieces for the price of €2.50 each and was pretty excited...until the first bite.

The rolls were not worth their money and nothing special if you ask me. So, as somewhat reasonable person, I did my research and found the 'perfect' recipe for what I wanted in a first place: a good old cinnamon roll.

So, to make 12 of these beauties, you will need:

  • 235 ml warm milk (40-45 degrees C)
  • 2 eggs, room temperature (NOT strait from the fridge)
  • 75 g margarine, melted
  • 615 g bread flour
  • 1 teaspoon of salt
  • 100 g white sugar
  • 10 g dried yeast
  • 220 g brown sugar
  • 15 g ground cinnamon
  • 75 g softened butter
  • 85 g cream cheese
  • 55 g softened butter
  • 190 g icing sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • pinch of salt

Put the yeast in the warm milk together with the sugar and salt (in a large bowl) and let it stand for 10 minutes, until foam forms on the top. Add the rest of the dough ingredients and mix well with a wooden spoon. When you have obtained homogenous mass, knead the dough with hands lightly dusted with flour until you have smooth, elastic, pliable dough. 
Let it rest until doubled in size (about 1 hour should be enough).
For the filling, mix the brown sugar and the cinnamon in a dish and set aside until needed.
Preheat the oven to 200 degrees Celsius. From the dough, roll out a rectangle approximately 40 by 50 centimeters and spread with the butter (from the 'Filling' part). Dust evenly with the brown sugar and cinnamon mixture, roll up and cut into 12 even sized pieces.
Place rolls on a baking sheet lined with baking parchment, cover them with a cloth and let them stand for 30 minutes.
Remove the cloth and bake them for 15 minutes or until golden on top, taking care not to over bake them, as they will come out tough.
While the rolls are in the oven, prepare the frosting by beating all ingredients with an electric whisk and spread the frosting on warm rolls before serving.