The Tree of Life (a bad, bad movie)

OK, let me make it clear from the beginning. I’m not a hater, and especially when it comes to movies, I have found that my tolerance to poorly executed movies is very generous. However, there’s limit to everything.

I have my own criteria about movies:

1. Movies that I can watch all day long on a loop

2. Movies that I want to see every now and then

3. Movies that I’ve seen and forgot all about them

4. Movies that I wish I had never seen

So, yesterday I saw ‘The Three Musketeers’ (2011) and I admit, it had some awesome, pretty nice butt kicking scenes. While Mila Jovovich, Luke Evans and Christoph Waltz were successfully cast in the roles of Milady de Winter, Aramis and Cardinal Richelieu, the rest of the cast was pretty much miscast. Still, the movie wasn’t bad. However, this post is about another movie… the one I wish I never watched. Yes, it was THAT bad.

Thinking that after my ‘encounter’ with ‘The Tree Musketeers’ I’ll have some more luck in watching another good movie, I went to the DVD shop and rented ‘The Tree of Life.’ No, they should have called it ‘The THREE of Life’ as it took 181 minutes of my life that I’m never getting back. Ever. In those 3 hours I could have made a batch of pancakes or even baked a cake, but no, I decided to watch the movie.

Now, I have somewhat of a ‘rule’ or rather is a mechanism of defence when it comes to suck-y movies: If I have difficulty looking at the screen after the 7th minute is gone, the movie is not worth watching. This ‘sixth sense’ of mine never failed me, but still, in order to proclaim the movie a total waste of time, I stick watching. Eh, the things I do in order to prevent more ‘victims’ from watching lousy stuff!

It is not my intention to bore you with the details, so I’m going to sum it pretty fast.

1. If you want scenes of erupting volcanoes, dirty waterfalls and unusually shaped rocks, turn your TV to National Geographic or Discovery channel. At least, you learn something from there, which cannot be said about the above mentioned movie.

2. Damaged people breed damaged children (or as I want to put it in my favourite words: ‘Stupid breeds stupid’). People with seriously unresolved issues only ‘transfer’ their issues to their children, thus leaving them scarred for life and in need of some serious professional help. It is the shrink or jail basically. If one doesn’t act on those issues, they end up hurting themselves, or worse, hurting other people and ending up in ‘the can’.

3. It is useless calling on deities to explain and answer your question. When dealing with the mundane choices and their consequences, guess what?! You have to question your own choices rather than asking/blaming deities for your misfortunes.

Now, that I have nicely summed it up for you, I have trouble understanding how this movie ended up with ‘Palme D’ Or’ in Cannes. I suspect that the judges have been heavily drugged, bribed or even plainly stupid to give that award to the movie. I can go all artsy-fartsy if I wanted to, and say that the movie left me breathless and it was a work of art, but that would be just bollocking myself and the ones who read this page. (And no, I don’t like Picasso either).

Every now and then, it comes a director that is labelled ‘visionary’, but this is not the case with Terrence Malick and ‘The T(h)ree of life’.

So, after reading this, if you still have 3 hours of your life to waste and come to the same conclusions, please do come back and comment, so I can rub it in and say ‘I informed you thusly, oh I so informed you thusly!’

Of educational values, unbearable heat and different kinds of food

Well, hello. I haven't been blogging (cooking) lately, as everyone who knows me, also knows that I don't spend much time in the kitchen in summer. There are few simple reasons for that, but the main reason is of course, the heat. Over the years, I have found out that I don't have much heat tollerance and my relationship with the sun changes from summer to summer. From playful frenemies over the past few years, we have became more of rude neighbors. Recent trip to the grocery store left me red faced for over 3 hours, and no, I didn't got angry, upset or stressed. I was out for only 20 minutes!
Now...there are different kinds of food that I wanted to concentrate on. The food we eat, the food for the soul, the food for the brain and so on, but something I cannot grasp is the 'food' of chain emails. I have been ignoring them forever and they still find their way to me. It is beyond my understanding what is the use/benefit of sending them.
So basically, I'm saying that many people have been feeding me virtual crap, from blessings to more threatening messages that If I don't forward the email to 50 people, I'm going to die. Tough luck bit*es, I'm still kicking!
And lastly, this is the piece of wisdom passed to me by a dear friend that I'm going to share:

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I no longer have lemon slices in my ice water at a restaurant without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose (although cell phone usage may be overtaking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing...

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.Lately, the Money Angel and the Lakshmi goddess are doing the same.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me...

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your backside, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . .

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now.....it's too late

Cinnamon rolls

Couple of weeks ago, world renowed company opened its stand in one of the shopping malls around the country. It was public holiday, it was boring and although I didn't go to the opening, I went couple of days after the opening to see what's all about. Why? Because I love cinnamon. So, I went there with my bigger half (yeah, he's bigger than me) and it was like it's last day on Earth! People were queueing like there's no tomorrow! I was not willing to wait, so we went around the shops. Just before closing time, the queue seemed manageable, so I took a chance to try of their products. Since the original cinnamon rolls were sold out, I took 2 small choco-cinnamon pieces for the price of €2.50 each and was pretty excited...until the first bite.

The rolls were not worth their money and nothing special if you ask me. So, as somewhat reasonable person, I did my research and found the 'perfect' recipe for what I wanted in a first place: a good old cinnamon roll.

So, to make 12 of these beauties, you will need:

   Dough:

• 235 ml warm milk (40-45 degrees C)
• 2 eggs, room temperature (NOT strait from the fridge)
• 75 g margarine, melted
• 615 g bread flour
• 1 teaspoon of salt
• 100 g white sugar
• 10 g dried yeast

  Filling:

• 220 g brown sugar
• 15 g ground cinnamon
• 75 g softened butter

  Frosting:

• 85 g cream cheese
• 55 g softened butter
• 190 g icing sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• pinch of salt

Method:

Put the yeast in the warm milk together with the sugar and salt (in a large bowl) and let it stand for 10 minutes, until foam forms on the top. Add the rest of the dough ingredients and mix well with a wooden spoon. When you have obtained homogenous mass, knead the dough with hands lightly dusted with flour until you have smooth, elastic, pliable dough. 

Let it rest until doubled in size (about 1 hour should be enough).

For the filling, mix the brown sugar and the cinnamon in a dish and set aside until needed.

Preheat the oven to 200 degrees Celsius. From the dough, roll out a rectangle approximately 40 by 50 centimeters and spread with the butter (from the 'Filling' part). Dust evenly with the brown sugar and cinnamon mixture, roll up and cut into 12 even sized pieces.

Place rolls on a baking sheet lined with baking parchment, cover them with a cloth and let them stand for 30 minutes.

Remove the cloth and bake them for 15 minutes or until golden on top, taking care not to over bake them, as they will come out tough.

While the rolls are in the oven, prepare the frosting by beating all ingredients with an electric whisk and spread the frosting on warm rolls before serving.

Baked tortellini

I was never very big fan of tortellini, but that had changed when I used to work in a certain hotel. You see, they were paying us peanuts, but they were feeding us. Unless someone was on a special diet and had to bring their own lunch (which nobody did), the food was actually not bad. On a very good day (when the chef was in a good mood), the food was almost very good.

So, after asking the cook (not the chef, he was really snotty son of a *beep*) what goes in 'those little porcelain dishes', he kindly listed the ingredients:

To feed 4 people you will need:

300 grams tortellini
250 ml bechamel sauce
400 ml tomato sauce (plain or your favorite flavor)
1 small cup grated Cheddar cheese
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan
pinch of oregano


Method:


Cook the tortellini according to packet instructions and drain. In a suitable baking dish pour half of the bechamel sauce and put the tortellini over. Pour the rest of the bechamel sauce and gently stir, so the tortellini are covered. Pour over the tomato sauce and bake in preheated oven (200 degrees celsius) until bubbly. Remove from the oven and sprinkle the Cheddar cheese, then the Parmesan and pinch of oregano. Bake for another 10 minutes or until the cheeses are golden in color.
Enjoy!
 

Moussaka (Musaka)

OK, I get it. I haven't posted since Easter and it is kinda long time, however with a good reason. I have been having series of little misfortunes (health-wise) which have made it very difficult for me to function on my 'normal' levels, but let's forget about that. I missed cooking too and let's face it, sandwiches are not food.
Ever since I was little girl, I was sort of 'stuck' in the kitchen observing, asking endless questions and sometimes I was even allowed to put seasoning on the food, which was a big seal for me, it made me feel grown up and important. One of the important foods in my life has always been moussaka, but not the version that one associates with Greece. It is my mom's moussaka that made me feel better when I was sick or sad.
So, I would like to share it and wish everyone to eat it in good health :)

To feed 4 people, you will need:

700 grams of peeled and thinly sliced potatoes
300 grams ground beef (you can exchange it with soya mince or lentils if you dislike meat)
1 finely chopped onion
3 eggs
200-250 ml milk
salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
generous pinch of oregano
tiny pinch of ground cayenne pepper
1-2 teaspoons mild red paprika
1-2 tablespoons vegetable or olive oil

Method:


Heat the oil in a frying pan and add the onion. Fry the onion until soft, but take care not to change color. Add the ground beef (or lentils/soya mince) and let it brown, breaking it into very small pieces with the back of a wooden spoon. Season with salt, black pepper, oregano, cayenne pepper aand paprika and remove from the heat.
Preheat the oven to 200 degrees Celsius.
In a baking dish layer some of the thinly sliced potatoes, and then add some of the meat. Repeat until everything has finished and the last layer is made up of potatoes.
Bake for about 8-10 minutes and then remove from the oven, whisk the eggs and milk together and pour over the moussaka. If the potatoes are not covered, add little bit more milk.
Bake about 1 to 1 1/2 hour (depending on the oven) or until golden on the top. Let it rest for 10 minutes and serve with green or cucumber salad with vinaigrette dressing.
Bon Apetit!

Happy Easter!

I wish to say Happy Easter to all who stop by! This year I didn't go overboard with my eggs decoration. First and foremost, there's no 'egg culture' in this little rock I call home. People associate Easter with eggs made of chocolate.
So, it is quiet affair with few traditional red eggs, nothing out of the ordinary and some chocolate ones.
Happy Easter once again!

Katmer pie (Katmer pita)

Hmm...I haven't been around lately, my newfound freedom kept me busy playing online games which is good in my books.
Now for the news. Well, I actually did great on my exams, there are some A's, some B+'s and B's and I get to graduate with merit, which was one of the most important things on my bucket list :) Got me a B on my graduation work which is fair and square...if I was grading it myself, I would have given myself a D probably, for work ethics. The material was good, the million books I was reading were good, so all is good when it ends good :)
Oh, the pie..yep... I saw it on my friend's blog and it stuck in my head, so I had made it some time ago, but now it's seeing daylight here.
You see, me and her go way back (my friend and I, not the pie), when we were tiny tots and in the second grade of elementary school she was talking to me about Tolstoy..or Anna Karenina to be precise! Little did we know back then that except for the love of books we will have the same love for baked goodies.
But I digress. Well, here's all you need to make this delicious piece. Remember: You measure ALL cup stuff with the SAME cup. Size matters in this case.

Dough:

2 cups (x 200 ml) lukewarm water
6 cups all purpose flour
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon dried instant yeast
50-70 grams lard (I used clarified butter)

Filling:

Whatever you prefer. Leeks, spinach, cheese, meat, combination of two or more..I used crumbled feta cheese.

Method:

Combine all the ingredients (except the lard or butter) in a bowl and make nice, soft, pliable dough. Let it prove for about an hour or until doubled in size. When the dough has risen, divide it in 2 balls. Roll out sheet of dough with 5mm thickness, spread half of the lard or butter and dust with little flour. At the centre press with your fingers to make little circle. With a sharp knife make 8 cuts from the marked circle till the end of the dough. (See pictures).
Do the same with the other ball.
Now it is time to take the first ball which has been resting after folding and make big circle (about 5mm thickness) and put some of the desired filling. Start rolling from both ends and cut where the two rolls are meeting. (See pictures).
In lightly greased baking dish start making snail shape with one of the rolls, taking care that the cut part is facing upwards. Continue arranging the rest of the rolls around the initial one and you'll end up with snail looking dough.
Bake in preheated oven (200 degrees Celsius) for about 30-45 minutes or until golden brown.
Enjoy and help yourself to another slice, it is THAT good!